There’s a particular kind of exhaustion that settles in after you’ve spent twenty minutes explaining something perfectly reasonable to someone who responds as if you just suggested they try seasoning their coffee with motor oil. You know the feeling. Your words were clear. Your logic was sound. And yet the other person stares back at you with the blank confidence of a man who has never once been wrong in his entire life.

Solomon saw this coming three thousand years ago. In Proverbs 23:9 he offers one of the most merciful pieces of advice in all of Scripture: “Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words.”

In other words, stop throwing your carefully prepared pearls into a blender set to “puree.”

Wisdom Isn’t for Everyone’s Ears

The book of Proverbs is not shy about fools. A fool, in biblical terms, is not merely someone who lacks information. A fool is someone who has already decided that wisdom is optional. He has closed the door, locked it, and then nailed a “Do Not Disturb” sign over the keyhole for good measure. Trying to reason with him is like trying to teach a cat algebra. The cat isn’t impressed, and you end up looking slightly ridiculous.

Jesus Himself echoed the same principle when He warned, “Do not throw your pearls before pigs” (Matthew 7:6). It’s not that the pearls aren’t valuable. It’s that some creatures will only trample them—and then turn on you for the trouble.

This is not a call to arrogance or spiritual superiority. It’s a call to stewardship. Your words, your time, and your emotional energy are gifts from God. He never asked you to pour them into soil that has already declared itself infertile.

A Little Humor Helps the Medicine Go Down

Let’s be honest: most of us have played the part of the hopeful gardener more times than we care to admit. We’ve stayed up late drafting the perfect text. We’ve rehearsed the gentle, Spirit-led conversation in the shower. We’ve entered the discussion armed with Bible verses, personal stories, and the earnest belief that this time it will land.

And then the other person replies with something like, “Yeah, but my uncle once knew a guy…” and the entire conversation collapses into a black hole of irrelevance.

At that moment, Proverbs 23:9 is less a stern warning and more a kind older brother putting a hand on your shoulder and saying, “Buddy… walk away. The pizza’s getting cold.”

Practical Application for Real Life

So how do we live this out without becoming cold or unloving?

1. Pause and discern. Before you launch into a passionate explanation, ask a quiet question: “Is this person actually open, or am I just hoping they will be?” Openness often shows itself in questions, soft eyes, or a willingness to say “I don’t know.” Hostility, mockery, or endless deflection are usually signs that the door is shut.
2. Protect your peace. You are not obligated to attend every argument you are invited to. Sometimes the most Christlike thing you can do is smile, change the subject, or simply leave the group chat on mute. Silence is not defeat; it is often wisdom wearing work boots.
3. Keep praying, keep living. Refusing to argue does not mean you stop caring. Continue to pray for the person. Continue to live with quiet integrity. Seeds can still grow when the gardener isn’t standing over them shouting instructions. God is remarkably good at working in the places where our words have been refused.
4. Save the good stuff for hungry hearts. There are people who will listen—friends who lean in, coworkers who ask honest questions, children who still believe adults might know something. Pour your energy there. The harvest is better when the soil is ready.

Proverbs 23:9 is not permission to write people off forever. Hearts can soften. Fools can become wise. But until that happens, you are free to stop bruising your knuckles against a locked door.

So the next time you feel the familiar urge to explain one more time, take a breath, remember Solomon’s advice, and go find someone who actually wants to hear it. Your wisdom is precious. Treat it that way.

And if all else fails, there’s always pizza.