marriage

A Sheep Strolls Through 1 Peter 3:1-7

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A Gentle and Precious Beauty

Dear friend,

There is something profoundly tender about the way God speaks into our closest relationships. In 1 Peter 3:1–7, the apostle Peter is not giving us a set of cold rules, but a beautiful picture of how the gospel transforms marriage into a living witness of Christ’s love. Written to believers scattered across the Roman Empire and facing pressure and suffering, these words come as a gentle invitation: Let your life in the home preach the gospel even louder than your words.

Here is the passage:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (ESV)

Wives: A Beauty That Wins Hearts (vv. 1–6)

Peter begins with “likewise,” connecting this instruction to the previous call for believers to submit to governing authorities and for slaves to honor their masters. In a culture where a wife’s faith could create real tension in the home, Peter offers a powerful strategy: win your husband without a word.

The key is not silence born of fear, but a life so beautiful and Christlike that it becomes irresistible. The Greek word for “respectful” here carries the idea of deep reverence and honor. When a wife lives with pure conduct and a heart at rest in God, her life becomes a quiet sermon.

Peter then gently redirects our attention from outward beauty to something far more lasting: “the hidden person of the heart” with “the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” This is not about personality type. It is about an inner posture of trust in God rather than anxiety or control. In God’s eyes, this kind of beauty is “very precious.”

Sarah is held up as an example—not because she was perfect, but because she hoped in God and showed respect to Abraham even in difficult moments. Peter’s encouragement is warm and liberating: You are her daughters when you do good and refuse to live in fear.

Husbands: Understanding and Honor (v. 7)

Peter turns to husbands with equal tenderness and seriousness. The command is to “live with your wives in an understanding way.” The Greek word implies thoughtful consideration—really knowing your wife, her heart, her needs, her story. This is not a vague call to be “nice”; it is a call to diligent, attentive love.

Husbands are also told to show honor to their wives “as the weaker vessel.” This does not mean moral or spiritual inferiority. In the ancient world, women were physically more vulnerable. Peter calls Christian husbands to use their strength to protect and honor, not to dominate.

Most strikingly, Peter reminds husbands that their wives are “heirs with you of the grace of life.” In Christ, there is no hierarchy of value. You are co-heirs. When a husband fails to honor his wife in this way, Peter says his prayers are hindered. Our relationship with God and our relationship with our spouse are deeply connected.

A Word for Those Who Are Single

Even though Peter addresses these words specifically to husbands and wives, the heart of this passage carries beautiful truth for single brothers and sisters as well.

The qualities Peter highlights are not limited to marriage. A gentle and quiet spirit — that inner posture of trust in God rather than fear or striving — is “very precious” in God’s sight for anyone. Single or married, you are invited to cultivate this hidden beauty of the heart. It is a fruit of resting in God’s love and sovereignty instead of trying to control outcomes or people.

The call to live with understanding and to show honor also applies broadly. You can practice these Christlike attitudes in your friendships, family relationships, church community, and even with those who don’t yet know the Lord. Your respectful and pure conduct can still be a quiet witness that draws people toward Jesus — “without a word.”

Likewise, the warning that relational disharmony can hinder our prayers is a sober reminder for all of us. Whether you are single or married, how you treat people matters deeply to God and affects your intimacy with Him.

Your single season is not a waiting room. It is a precious time in which the Holy Spirit can develop in you the very character qualities Peter describes — qualities that will serve you well whether God leads you into marriage later or calls you to remain single. You are already a full heir of the grace of life, deeply loved and valued by your Heavenly Father.

A Word for All of Us

This passage is not about one person “winning” and the other “losing.” It is about two people, both deeply loved by God, choosing to reflect the humble, sacrificial love of Jesus in their marriage. Wives are called to a gentle strength that trusts God. Husbands are called to a strong gentleness that honors and understands. Together, they display something of the gospel to a watching world.

Personal Reflection Questions

Take a few quiet moments with the Lord and these questions:

  1. For wives: Where might the Lord be inviting you to cultivate a “gentle and quiet spirit” — not as a personality change, but as a deeper trust in Him amid the pressures of your marriage or home?
  2. For husbands: How well do you truly know and understand your wife right now? In what specific way could you show her honor this week that reflects her value as a co-heir of grace?
  3. For those who are single: In what relationships or situations is God inviting you to practice understanding, honor, and a gentle spirit right now? How might this season be preparing your heart for whatever He has ahead?
  4. When conflict or disappointment arises in your relationships (married or single), do you tend to lean on words, control, or fear — or on the beauty of a life that quietly trusts God?
  5. How does seeing other people as fellow heirs of the grace of life change the way you speak to them or think about them?
  6. Is there any area in your life where fear is keeping you from living with the freedom and gentleness Peter describes?

Beloved, the same grace that Peter writes about is available to you today — whether you are married or single. You are not asked to do this in your own strength. The gentle and quiet spirit, the understanding heart, the honoring love — all of these are fruit of the Spirit at work in you.

May your life, in whatever season you find yourself, become a place where the beauty of Christ is quietly on display.

With warmth and hope in Him,
Grace and peace to you.

The Other Marriage Issue Facing The Church

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Same-sex marriage is not the only marriage issue facing the church today. While it may be the hot button issue right now, another problem has the potential of dividing the church even further. The issue I am speaking of is that of whether or not the church should even perform a ceremony that is civil as well as religious.

Some churches and pastors I know who are affiliated with the National Baptist Convention (some dual aligned with the SBC) are already performing wedding ceremonies that are strictly religious in nature with the couple who are married never filing a state marriage certificate. These are not same-sex marriages. They are between a man and a woman who for various reasons do not want to file a marriage license with the state. Many of these couples are senior citizens. Why would they not want to file with the state?

One reason is the marriage penalty. Food stamps and other benefits may be cut if a couple decides to get hitched. By having a religious ceremony, they feel they are married before God and witnesses but they can keep all their income. For many on fixed incomes or who are below the poverty line this is an attractive alternative. Why should vowing to love, honor and cherish each other cause one to lose income or help? Anyone who thinks you can feed two as cheaply as one hasn’t been to the grocery store lately. This is the primary reason for older couples and those struggling to stay afloat financially  to avoid registering their marriage with the state, in my research.

Another reason, one that is growing each day, is the thought that since many states recognize same-sex marriage, they have forfeited their right to recognize marriage for what the Bible says it is. These people do not want their marriage to be equated with that of an ungodly one. Some ministers I have spoken with have also used this line of reasoning. I believe that this line of thought will be growing over the next few years and cause many churches to examine their policies. I do not know of any denomination that has addressed this issue but I would really like to see the evangelical ones do so publicly.

In Scripture, there is no command for ministers to perform marriage ceremonies. In our culture and country we are given the privilege to do so as an agent of the state. Some states have slightly different rules and other countries have many different requirements as to who can perform/officiate the ceremony. The point is that it is a right given by the state, not a requirement given by God. A minister officiating the ceremony lends spiritual significance to the act. An “approval of God for the union” so to speak. That is why orthodox ministers refuse to perform homosexual marriages, marriages between believers and unbelievers and other circumstances.

My question to our evangelical leaders, our Reformed leaders, ministers and leaders of churches worldwide is this — is it valid, Biblically, to hold a religious only ceremony knowing that the license will never be filed to the state? Would that be valid in God’s eyes? Would it ever become acceptable policy in your denomination?

What are your personal feelings, fellow ministers, of acting as an agent of the state when your state may have a completely different definition of marriage as you do?

I believe this is an issue that is only going to grow and am curious as to how the church is going to speak to the issue. I rarely officiate at weddings anymore and have yet to personally run across this issue. Yet, I have friends whom I respect who are dealing with this in their churches right now and I can see the issue as unavoidable in the near future. So, council is asked for from those who read and share this blog. Let me know your personal beliefs and any official beliefs your church and/or denomination may have that may speak to this issue.

Weekly Photo Challenge – Future Tense

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Weddings always combine the present with the future. Two lives becoming one, a future together – hopefully forever. This was taken in Malaysia as I came across a wedding being held in a hotel lobby across the street where I was shopping.

Malaysia Wedding Car

Wednesday Book Reviews

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9 partsNine Parts of Desire: The Hidden World of Islamic WomenNine Parts of Desire: The Hidden World of Islamic Women by Geraldine Brooks
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book lifts the veil, so to speak, on the lives of women in Islamic culture. Written by a veteran journalist, it is both fascinating and disturbing. This book is a must read for anyone wanting to understand more about a culture that is still seen as mysterious and exotic by many in the West. Since it is a secular book, this book avoids religious biases and gives a clear picture of what the lives of Muslim women are like in different parts of the Arab world. I highly recommend this as a good read for any who seek to truly understand what goes on in a world hidden from view.

View all my reviews

c through marriageC Through Marriage: Revitalizing Your VowsC Through Marriage: Revitalizing Your Vows by Jim Hughes
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book is a definite must for pastors, marriage counselors and couples. It will go on my shelf as a great resource for pre-marital counseling and yet it will also be used to counsel couples in crisis. The book covers many subjects that come up in a marriage and tackles them all with tact and solid information from a Christian viewpoint. The author has a high view of marriage and this book will help couples solidify their relationship with their spouse. This would also make a great gift for newlyweds. I know, they will most likely put it on their bookshelf and forget about it, but when the inevitable problems arise, they might just pull it down and use it to help repair their marriage. I highly recommend this a good read.

View all my reviews

Disturbing Trends

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Here at Ta Ethne we are very bothered by recent trends in our country. In the past week alone, we have had rulings in different states that undermine basic biblical and moral values. Sadly, these decisions are being applauded. One such ruling is that by Massachusetts on allowing students at school to pick whatever gender they want to be identified as and catering to their every whim. You can read more here: http://radio.foxnews.com/toddstarnes/top-stories/students-who-refuse-to-affirm-transgender-classmates-face-punishment.html
Another is the ruling by the New Jersey Supreme Court who refused to allow prosecution of a mother who abused cocaine while pregnant and gave birth to an addicted child. Here at Ta Ethne, we have adopted such a child, one born in California hooked on so many drugs at birth a tox screen only turned up 3 NOT in her system. Such a ruling is absurdity at its highest point.
Even more upsetting, the fact that the current presidential administration is even considering helping overturn a California law describing marriage as between a man and a woman is beyond comprehension.
Our country is so far post-Christian that I believe God is going to judge her soon. The Church fell asleep decades ago and now has compromised to the point that the majority of her members are lost. Her influence has waned to the point where most Americans think of both the Church and her God as completely irrelevant. They are not atheists in the sense that they do not believe in a God, they simply have never even considered seriously whether there is or isn’t one.
The time has come for the remaining disciples of Jesus Christ to stand up, speak up and seek to overcome darkness with the light of truth. When we begin to fear God and His holiness more than the ridicule and persecution of unbelievers we might start to have an impact on our society. When we stop coddling fence straddlers and confront people with the need for repentance and holy living we might have a church Jesus is not ashamed to call His own. That is Ta Ethne’s stance — what’s yours?

Weekly Writing Challenge: From Mundane to Meaningful – A Conference Surprises

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17 years of meetings. Another conference in another city. Different topic, different speakers but overall the same. A few notes written, a few ideas stolen and then life returns to normal. Except this week. I wasn’t expecting much out of the conference. In fact, I didn’t even remember what the theme of this conference was. I just thought it would be a nice retreat with my family since this was one of the few all of us could attend. Little did I know I would be ambushed by something profound and meaningful.

It turns out that the theme for this conference was “Sifted”. It was a marriage retreat in disguise. From speakers to counselors and testimonies of peer couples, we were exposed to a time whose goal was to strengthen marriages. Even worse, the conference had built in accountability. We were given homework to do both individually and as a couple, and then in the next session we discussed our answers.

I then understood why they had counselors. We each had to (after a seminar on the 5 greatest needs in a man’s and a woman’s life) grade ourselves on how well we thought we were doing in each area. Then we graded our spouse on how well they were doing meeting our needs. Then the twist – we had to get alone with our spouse and reveal the answers to each other – needless to say they did not always agree! On the upside, I believe each of us left the conference having been open and honest, as well as beginning to work on issues that needed addressing.

If I had known in advance what the conference was really going to be about, I would not have gone. Too much pride, too much fear of vulnerability, too much worry about peer approval. Now I am glad I did go. My family will be better for it because I learned what I needed to change.

Now if only all conferences could be so meaningful…

What it Means to be a Pastor

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                Being a pastor in Montana means many different things to me. Since arriving in 1995, I have served churches in Red Lodge, Columbus and Havre. Being a pastor in Montana means unloading trucks outside at work at 4:30 in the morning in  -40°F weather so that the church can still afford to have a pastor.  It means reaching out to people who have never heard basic Bible stories such as Noah and the Ark, David and Goliath or the real Christmas story.

Pastoring in Montana means enduring weeks of loneliness, isolated by geography and finances from family, friends and even other pastors. It means driving hours to conferences for the fellowship with friends and the opportunity to sharpen ones skills. It means penetrating reclusive lives and investing time into communities. It means sharing your home with people from all walks of life and all kinds of backgrounds. It means being vulnerable and authentic and living a transformed life in front of a watching world.

Pastoring in Montana means that you start laying the foundation for future works to take place.  Very quickly you learn that there is no prestige, no glory, no “bigger” church to aspire to. What there is, is plenty of is hard work, years of discipleship, mentoring, teaching and engaging. There is the joy of seeing a second generation come to know and serve the Lord. There is the joy of seeing families and marriages being put back together. There is the satisfaction of establishing stability and credibility in a community that is constantly watching to see if your Christianity is real. There is the awesome exhilaration that comes from seeing new believers mature and go out in service for the kingdom, taking the gospel to yet another place that needs to hear it.

Being a pastor in Montana is a tale of two extremes. It is a tale of hardships and frustration and of rapture and joy. It will cause you to grow closer to God than you thought possible because there is no one else around for you to turn to. It will drive you to your knees over and over seeking strength, guidance and wisdom. It will also lead you to give God all the credit because only He could possibly penetrate the darkness and hardened hearts of those who do not know Him.

Jeff Iorg, President of Golden Gate Seminary, sums up what I think being a pastor in Montana is all about when he says in his book, The Painful Side of Leadership, “Most leaders easily forget their primary reason for being placed in their leadership role. The primary reason isn’t for you to do things for God. It’s so God can use your leadership setting as a laboratory for shaping the image of Jesus in you.[1]

I pray that the image that is being shaped in me, as I pastor in Montana, is that of Jesus Christ.

[1] Iorg, Jeff. The Painful Side of Leadership. P12. B&H Publishing Group 2009