God places lonely people in families[1]
Chapter 11
Renee’s Story
Renee was a whirlwind of animated excitement. Laughter bubbled over her lips as she showed me around her new apartment at the retirement complex. Spry and agile for someone pushing eighty, Renee introduced me to dozens of people that afternoon. As I readied myself to leave a couple of hours later, she whispered to me, “And I get to share Jesus’ love with them all.”
Renee’s life was dramatically altered from the one she was living just a few years before. A widower, she lived alone in a house, burdened by a terrible secret. Renee was a large woman, standing well over six feet tall and built like a Chicago Bear’s linebacker. She had a pleasant face but because of her size, she endured a childhood of ridicule from cruel classmates. Their ridiculing taunts damaged her self-esteem. Many of the boys she hoped would find her attractive seemed to be scared off by her size. She despaired of finding a soul mate, a person who would love and care for her.
One day, to her surprise, she found such a man. He was a person who looked at her personality, her inner self, and who loved her for more than her physical features. Falling head over heels in love, they quickly married. For a number of years Renee and her husband shared life together. They traveled around the world and Renee was fascinated with the different cultures she experienced. She began collecting idols from the various religions they encountered on their journeys. She proudly displayed them on a shelf in her living room and made sure that every visitor knew she had her bases covered religiously. Then, suddenly, her husband passed away, leaving a hole in Renee that she despaired of ever filling.
Despair turned grief into anger and bitterness. Not believing she could ever find another person to love her, Renee began to seek relationships in destructive ways. At first she prayed to her idols, believing that among so many one would surely be able to help her. She began to think terrible thoughts and felt a spiritual oppressiveness that frightened her. Unable to face hours alone, Renee took to bar hopping in a larger city an hour from her home. There she would pick up whatever male was available and willing to spend the night with her. If she could not have love, she reasoned, she would at least take what comfort she could find in sex. For a few hours, just being with another person helped quiet the terrifying thoughts that had begun to plague her. To her dismay, there was no comfort, only a vicious cycle of hopelessness that was threatening to overwhelm her.
One day she saw an advertisement in the newspaper about a new church starting in her town. The ad invited anyone who wanted to celebrate the hope found in Jesus to attend an organizational meeting. Renee found the idea of finding hope attractive so she attended the first service. Even though she did not understand many of the words the preacher used in his sermon or know any of the songs sung, she enjoyed being part of the group.
Renee quickly realized that everyone there assumed she was a Christian and she did not wish to dissuade them of that belief. That way, Renee thought, she could remain a part of them and they would not be trying to convert her. At first, she felt guilty about the deception but that faded away soon enough. Whenever she felt guilty about what she did on Friday or Saturday nights, Renee would go to church on Sunday to try to ease her conscience. She also discovered that whenever she was in a church service, she was not plagued by the tormenting thoughts as much.
Years passed and as Renee got older, the more tired she became at living her double life. She started going to a psychiatrist for counseling but as soon as he diagnosed her as having hyper sexuality (he told her she was a “nymphomaniac”) she stopped going. It was not that she disagreed; it was just that the term sounded so vulgar to one of her generation. Renee desired to change her lifestyle but she did not know where to start.
When I met her, Renee was at a crossroads. She had continued to attend church and the Holy Spirit was working in her heart, convicting her of her lifestyle. Renee attended a special Bible study at our church on the book of Ephesians. When we got to chapter two, studying the section on God’s grace alone bringing salvation, she interrupted. She believed that a person could obtain salvation if they worked hard enough, did enough good things. Renee was in despair her whole life because she knew she could never do enough good things to counteract her sinful lifestyle. Now she was hearing of grace and it sparked a hope within her that she thought died years ago.
Another pastor and I talked with Renee for a couple of days about the power of God’s grace. We told her how God’s Holy Spirit alone could change a person’s heart, transforming them into a new person. Renee was so excited but at the same time hesitant. Admitting that she lived a sinful lifestyle according to Scriptures in the Bible was easy. She recognized that she needed God’s grace and power in her life but her pride was keeping her from submitting her life to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. For over 30 years, she had deceived the church into thinking that she was already a Christian. Confessing her deception to the pastor was one thing, confessing it to the whole church was another. She was not willing to make that step.
Without confessing and asking forgiveness of her sins, Renee was never going to experience God’s salvation. She wanted to confess only those sins that she had hidden away, not those that would expose her duplicity. The other pastor and I prayed for her. We prayed that the Holy Spirit would soften her heart and bring her to the point of laying everything down at the feet of Jesus.
Within a week, Renee’s attitude changed. The next Sunday she marched to the front of the church and announced she was ready to receive God’s forgiveness and His salvation. She found that and more. Not only did she experience God’s grace and cleansing from sin, but she experienced the forgiveness and good will of the church. She was amazed, fearing the church would condemn her for her years of pretense. She basked in the glow of experiencing the love that was shown to her by people genuinely happy that she had found the peace of God. Her whole life monumentally began to shift from that moment forward. On her own initiative, she brought all her idols to church in a bag and asked us to smash them and dispose of the pieces, as she was now publicly declaring that there is only One, True, God.
After taking this action, Renee stopped being plagued by the destructive and depressing thoughts entering her mind. She had never associated them with the idols on her shelf before, but after her mind was free, she understood what God had delivered her from. Renee also decided to move out of her house and into the retirement center. Too much time alone, she informed me, led to her feeling sorry for herself and getting depressed. She was worried about her sexual appetite, about not being able to control it. She had indulged herself without restraint for decades and she did not know how to curb the desire. We prayed, asking God to remove the illicit desires and to replace it with an ability to love people and engage in relationships with them in ways that did not involve sexual contact.
God answered, removing that desire immediately. For the first time since her husband died, she was able to have normal friendships with males and to give and accept non-sexual love. Jesus filled a void in her life and she was so grateful that she wanted training on how to share Him with others around her.
She loved the structure of the retirement complex, of being surrounded by people 24/7 and interacting with people her age. For the rest of her years Renee continued to witness to everyone in her complex about how God had radically transformed her life. Her story reminds me of a woman in the Bible whose life was similarly transformed. A woman named Mary Magdalene.
[1] Psalm 68:6